No one has ever tried to change me into a girl, at least not with anygreat insistence or any length of time, but I have had a number ofmomentary trips into female life, particularly in my early teens andtwenties. I was short for my age and smaller for a boy. At age 14, mymother who was an occasional seamstress lamented that she needed amodel to try on a lime green bridesmaid dress to get the hem right. Ifinally offered to be kind, but she said, "No, that wouldn't be right."I was relieved. A few months later, she had the same problem withanother bridesmaid dress. She asked if I would put it on for a coupleminutes so she could do the hem. Having thought about the possibilityof wearing the lime green dress a few months earlier, I agreed. Shehanded me a peach taffeta dress with enormous sleeves and a scoopedneck with a pretty lace inlay. I went into another room and did mybest to put on the dress. When I came out, Mother looked at mesmiling, and without a word straightened out. We walked side by side holding hands. I thought again that, strange as it sounds, I had never done that with anyone before. Nat's hand felt good in mine. It enveloped mine in a comfortable way. We walked at a brisk pace for about five minutes without saying a word.We had reached an overlook and stopped. Nat said, "Shirley, I miss my friend. I'm sure you miss your brother. Every time I think of him, I realize that I want to be a better person. Brian had that effect on me. He would always think of others and how he could help them be better. I've been thinking on that and trying it at my office." He chuckled but without humor. "When it works, it is intensely satisfying." Are you trying to help me be better?" I asked."No, but I am trying to have you enjoy being with me." He looked at me quite hard. "I've had a crush on you ever since I met you. You were a beautiful kid. You were a gorgeous teen. In your twenties, you started to look beyond hot. However, I know I'm older and I never got.
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